More Rugby (on my) Terms: Part 1
April 16th 2007 11:35
It is Rugby World Cup year and I had started my Let's Learn About Rugby (Rugby for Funnies) series but that kind of got sidetracked into Let's Learn About Larkham (Rugby for Yummies...)
...um...one word of advice...okay more than one word....a statement of my vice...
You know how I have this punchant for word play?...bitextual leanings?...inability to write like a mature normal writer person?...capable of leaping tall poppies in a single boundless breath?...faster than a speeding bulletin (what?)...oh hang on...got my personas mixed up...Pun-k Rucker with Superky Girl...
My point is...you may notice that the definitions/descriptions given here are not entirely serious.
So...I have also provided, as much as possible, the Truth...as opposed to Fact.
Glossary of Rugby Terms:
Foul play:
Fact
What the other side does.
If your team does it, it's called a tactical manouevre.
Truth
See Fact
Maul:
Fact
Free-for-all scavenge where the ball is kept off the ground.
Truth
- Is also what happens when a player has been tackled by opponents and cannot advance the ball further. Unless you're a Forward being tackled (ha!) by Backs...or you're Stephen Larkham....sigh....
- Players (3 or more) can then bind themselves into a maul.
- The maul ends when the ball is on the ground, when the ball or the player who had been carrying it emerges from the maul or when a scrum is called for.
- I'd like to get mauled by...no not going there....
A Maul differs from a Ruck because a -
Ruck:
Fact
...is a free-for-all scavenge where the ball is kept on the ground.
It's also the accidentally on purpose stepping on (with studded boots) an opponent lying in an offside position.
Also a very handy way to swear on field.
Truth
- Is also what happens when a player has been tackled by opponents and the ball has gone to the ground, players (3 or more) then bind themselves into a ruck.
- The ruck ends when the ball leaves the ruck (it rucks off) and can be handled by a player who is not part of the ruck.
- A player may not use his/her hands to play the ball while it is in a ruck. Doing so results in a penalty for the opposition. And that really sucks.
Offside:
Fact
What happens everytime the Ref is winded, which is about every 5 seconds and he/she decides that a player can be blamed for not being where he/she should be. Big pansy.
Truth
- Is actually an infringement made when a player crosses the gain (dead ball) line during a lineout, maul, ruck, or scrum before it has been completed.
- or when a player is in front of the ball while it is played by a teammate.
- A penalty is called if an offside player then plays the ball, obstructs or tackles an opponent, or is within 10 metres of an opponent waiting for the ball.
- The other side is awarded a penalty kick from the point of infringement or a scrum at the place where the offending side last played the ball. This too really sucks.
Advantage:
Fact
This is when you hear the callers/presenters say that the Ref has decided to play on and not blow histrumpet whistle for an obvious transgression straight away, because the Ref didn't actually see it but knows something went down because the Touch Judges are waving their flags around like a bunch of pansies...which means they want to get on TV.
Truth
- is actually a method of refereeing.
- The referee allows the game to proceed uninterrupted as long as the ball is in play and there are no major infringements.
- Play can continue after an infringement if the non-offending team gains an advantage.
Breakdown:
Fact
When the Ref has had enough
Truth
Area where players were tackled and/or the ball is loose on the ground.
Charge Down:
Fact
What happens every time I hear Stephen Larkham's name mentioned on TV and I'm elsewhere in the house
Truth
Blocking a kick made by the opponent with the hands, arm or body.
Dummy:
Fact
Affectionate name for the Ref, usually based on reality
Truth
A technique where one pretends to pass the ball
Dead ball:
Fact
What happens when a foot or shoulder connects with the wrong one. Obviously does not happen in Womens Rugby
Truth
The ball becomes dead if it goes out of bounds (the gain line) or if the referee stops play for any reason because he's a Big Pansy and he's puffed.
Obstruction:
Fact
The dick sitting in front of me at a Brumbies/Wallabies game
Truth
Getting in the way of an opponent who's chasing the ball. Also called blocking. Results in the awarding of a penalty to the opposition. Sucks if you get caught doing this.
...and I think I'll call it a night now....
Stay tuned for More Rugby (on my) Terms: Part Two
(...hip swivel...snarl...) Thankyerveree much
...um...one word of advice...okay more than one word....a statement of my vice...
You know how I have this punchant for word play?...bitextual leanings?...inability to write like a mature normal writer person?...capable of leaping tall poppies in a single boundless breath?...faster than a speeding bulletin (what?)...oh hang on...got my personas mixed up...Pun-k Rucker with Superky Girl...
My point is...you may notice that the definitions/descriptions given here are not entirely serious.
So...I have also provided, as much as possible, the Truth...as opposed to Fact.
Glossary of Rugby Terms:
Foul play:
Fact
What the other side does.
If your team does it, it's called a tactical manouevre.
Truth
See Fact
Maul:
Fact
Free-for-all scavenge where the ball is kept off the ground.
Truth
- Is also what happens when a player has been tackled by opponents and cannot advance the ball further. Unless you're a Forward being tackled (ha!) by Backs...or you're Stephen Larkham....sigh....
- Players (3 or more) can then bind themselves into a maul.
- The maul ends when the ball is on the ground, when the ball or the player who had been carrying it emerges from the maul or when a scrum is called for.
- I'd like to get mauled by...no not going there....
A Maul differs from a Ruck because a -
Ruck:
Fact
...is a free-for-all scavenge where the ball is kept on the ground.
It's also the accidentally on purpose stepping on (with studded boots) an opponent lying in an offside position.
Also a very handy way to swear on field.
Truth
- Is also what happens when a player has been tackled by opponents and the ball has gone to the ground, players (3 or more) then bind themselves into a ruck.
- The ruck ends when the ball leaves the ruck (it rucks off) and can be handled by a player who is not part of the ruck.
- A player may not use his/her hands to play the ball while it is in a ruck. Doing so results in a penalty for the opposition. And that really sucks.
Offside:
Fact
What happens everytime the Ref is winded, which is about every 5 seconds and he/she decides that a player can be blamed for not being where he/she should be. Big pansy.
Truth
- Is actually an infringement made when a player crosses the gain (dead ball) line during a lineout, maul, ruck, or scrum before it has been completed.
- or when a player is in front of the ball while it is played by a teammate.
- A penalty is called if an offside player then plays the ball, obstructs or tackles an opponent, or is within 10 metres of an opponent waiting for the ball.
- The other side is awarded a penalty kick from the point of infringement or a scrum at the place where the offending side last played the ball. This too really sucks.
Advantage:
Fact
This is when you hear the callers/presenters say that the Ref has decided to play on and not blow his
Truth
- is actually a method of refereeing.
- The referee allows the game to proceed uninterrupted as long as the ball is in play and there are no major infringements.
- Play can continue after an infringement if the non-offending team gains an advantage.
Breakdown:
Fact
When the Ref has had enough
Truth
Area where players were tackled and/or the ball is loose on the ground.
Charge Down:
Fact
What happens every time I hear Stephen Larkham's name mentioned on TV and I'm elsewhere in the house
Truth
Blocking a kick made by the opponent with the hands, arm or body.
Dummy:
Fact
Affectionate name for the Ref, usually based on reality
Truth
A technique where one pretends to pass the ball
Dead ball:
Fact
What happens when a foot or shoulder connects with the wrong one. Obviously does not happen in Womens Rugby
Truth
The ball becomes dead if it goes out of bounds (the gain line) or if the referee stops play for any reason because he's a Big Pansy and he's puffed.
Obstruction:
Fact
The dick sitting in front of me at a Brumbies/Wallabies game
Truth
Getting in the way of an opponent who's chasing the ball. Also called blocking. Results in the awarding of a penalty to the opposition. Sucks if you get caught doing this.
...and I think I'll call it a night now....
Stay tuned for More Rugby (on my) Terms: Part Two
(...hip swivel...snarl...) Thankyerveree much
| 136 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Fact
The dick sitting in front of me at a Brumbies/Wallabies game
Bloody hilarious Dusk Presley.
That kind of obstruction is the story of my life.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
I would like you to imagine me waving a big white flag right now.
I give in, please, no more jokes.
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEA SE.
JZ
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
Can't Yoda do a mind trick to make them go away?
...these are not the seats you're looking for...
What really annoys me is when the people sitting in front of me constantly get up and down and look at everything but the game.
we have the option of a corporate box but DDH and I find that boring.
...and if I ever miss a
Larkhammoment...there will blood...or at least tomato sauce..much warmth Mrs M
Dusk
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
Sheesh...I thought you were asking me to imagine you doing something unimaginable...like umpiring an AFL game....
Oh come on now....someone's got to play the fool...
Glad to see you buddy.
much warmth
Dusk
Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
Just when I think I'm finally getting the whole "rugby" thing down pat in my head...This blog comes along and destroys all my hard work and effort lolol....but at least NOW I 'll know what the "proper" terms actually mean! lol..God this made me laugh out loud...
And here I was thinking that I was actually getting a good grasp of all things rugby! Have some pity on this poor American and try not to make any sudden movements or talk in a loud voice that may frighten me! I'm so "rugby fragile" right now that I may even cry!! lol
Great post!
Take care,
Nick
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
First of all - Congratulations.
It takes a brave (new Orble) soul to venture through the
crazinessconvolutedramblingsrugby descriptions I provide.....!Promise. No sudden moves. No loud voice.
...you're not Rugby fragile at all.
Not fragile. Full stop.
You've just been virtually rucked and mauled...and pun-ched non stop.
And you've come out on top.
Recovery time is needed.
Honestly...I do not know how some of my (lovely) visitors put up with this crap....
Thanks for reading Nick. Truly appreciated.
much warmth
Dusk
Comment by David
This post is so
goodgreat on so many levels ...Your ability to be informative (educational) and entertaining simultaneously is unrivalled ...
Now this:
Fact
What happens every time I hear Stephen Larkham's name mentioned on TV and I'm elsewhere in the house
I can so see the visuals to this. That is pure entertainment ...
Imagine if Stephen Larkham was the type of guy to endorse products and was on TV ads all the time? Like, those ones they show on every ad break. You'd have to get a TV by your computer ...
Otherwise ...
I can imagine the phone calls.
"I'll call you back." CLUNK!
"I'll call you back." CLUNK!
"I'll call you back." CLUNK!
David ...
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
I love your descriptions ... this is soooo true!
I await, with excited anticipation, the next instalment ...
xxxx
PS I always wondered what the difference was between a ruck and a maul. Thanks!
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Wonderful work! I now have visual images of you stampeding through your house to get to the tv when you hear Larkham's name mentioned!! : )
Kylie
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
tears of laughter much needed, snorting included! You will teach my Godson the real rugby!
ash
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
Aww thanks buddy.
much warmth hon...
Dusk
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
...a hard place...ment of the ball.
Heh?
Sorry Cara...I'm not with it today...better get with it I suppose..I have a Part 2 (play)....
much much warmth my sweet
Dusk
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
My husband and my children (smartarses) hug the walls and 'take cover' when I do my Brumby impersonation...and woe betide if I get told "Oh...Larkham was just on the news...you missed it darling/Mum...."
...grrrr...
much warmth gorgeous
Dusk
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
Your Godson will know the truth!
Rugby as it should be...
much warmth hon
Dusk
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
And The Index?
I'll pull mine out now.
this is great...who would have thought that Rugby could be fun?
Norm
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
The Dour Jones Index?
...yeah well...Eddie shares far too much nowadays...he's in the Red...best to pull out now...
What?
Never mind.
(ooh...found another one...)
You always have your finger on the right page.
As for the alphabetical listing of names and topics that this post should have been?
It kind of fell in decks...
Draw deep my friend...
Dusk
ps. never underestimate the profundity of Rugby...
Comment by Filmpeeker
Film Peek
Gizmo Peek
Film Peek Forum
I read this and feel ashamed of myself. I pretty much now nothing about rugby.
It's like advanced science to me or something.
But hi.
//filmpeeker
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
Nothing to be ashamed of.
Most Refs know nothing about Rugby either...
(kidding)
I just appreciate you taking the time to walk on by.
Be well buddy.
Dusk
ps. Grid Iron was 'created' from Rugby...but with padding, helmets and Nipplegate.
Comment by Filmpeeker
Film Peek
Gizmo Peek
Film Peek Forum
Anyway, thanks for understanding. LOL
Have a nice one,
filmpeeker
Comment by Brad Waters
Punters Daily
And He's a Victorian!!! - Victoria's Sporting stars