GoulburnContradictionary: The A-Zen of Nothing
November 21st 2006 13:10
Please note: There is no point to this post.
This was written in The Switching Hour...a time when the brain switches off and utter nuttiness takes over.
Besides, I’m still reeling from the pain of our Wallabies loss to Ireland.
Am thinking about following Lawn Bowls...can still keep my domain name...Rucks and Rolls...
Antelope:
When 2 ants move out of formation and wander off together
Buffet:
Used in gyms to express admiration for ones toned body
Carcass:
The vulgarity that ensues if your car breaks down
Deplane:
To look up in the sky and find a flying object and tell your boss about it.
Explain:
When the flying object has landed. Tell your boss about it.
Fling:
Faux bling. Or a non Afro-American using this word post 2004.
Grovel:
To perambulate around a grove.
Hunger:
Where explains park
Infidel:
A Cuban dissident.
Jettison:
The respect a Japanese fisherman pays to a boat ramp
Kaleidoscope:
The measure of a collision
Lert:
What your country would like you to be
Miasma:
An Irish respiratory problem
Necrophiliac:
Person who likes short hair
Obsession:
An appointment with the baby-doctor
Phonetic:
A mobile junkie. May also be used to describe a telemarketer with a nervous twitch
Quiche:
A nook to hang keys in
Reverberate:
To do something, anything, eight times
Statue:
An identifying question
Twist:
A secwet meeting
Umbrage:
Something that connects umm...New Zealand rivers.
Vulgarian:
A Bulgarian vulture similar to a parrot.
Window:
What happens when your lottery numbers come in
X-ray:
An old flame
Young:
A hermaphrodite. Neither yin nor yang.
Zebra:
A French brassiere
Please feel free to add.
This was written in The Switching Hour...a time when the brain switches off and utter nuttiness takes over.
Besides, I’m still reeling from the pain of our Wallabies loss to Ireland.
Am thinking about following Lawn Bowls...can still keep my domain name...Rucks and Rolls...
Antelope:
When 2 ants move out of formation and wander off together
Buffet:
Used in gyms to express admiration for ones toned body
Carcass:
The vulgarity that ensues if your car breaks down
Deplane:
To look up in the sky and find a flying object and tell your boss about it.
Explain:
When the flying object has landed. Tell your boss about it.
Fling:
Faux bling. Or a non Afro-American using this word post 2004.
Grovel:
To perambulate around a grove.
Hunger:
Where explains park
Infidel:
A Cuban dissident.
Jettison:
The respect a Japanese fisherman pays to a boat ramp
Kaleidoscope:
The measure of a collision
Lert:
What your country would like you to be
Miasma:
An Irish respiratory problem
Necrophiliac:
Person who likes short hair
Obsession:
An appointment with the baby-doctor
Phonetic:
A mobile junkie. May also be used to describe a telemarketer with a nervous twitch
Quiche:
A nook to hang keys in
Reverberate:
To do something, anything, eight times
Statue:
An identifying question
Twist:
A secwet meeting
Something that connects umm...New Zealand rivers.
Vulgarian:
A Bulgarian vulture similar to a parrot.
Window:
What happens when your lottery numbers come in
X-ray:
An old flame
Young:
A hermaphrodite. Neither yin nor yang.
Zebra:
A French brassiere
Please feel free to add.
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Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
Woman: like, check that out!
JZ
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
I had a double cream moment (lovely but thick)...took me a few second to work out 'Woman' and when I did, I spat my coffee out!! I actually say that...
Brilliant JZ but then...you always are.
Dusk
Comment by pegasus
Poker Addict
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Oh yes, the switching hour. As a pregnant woman that seems to occur earlier and earlier every night at the moment. Currently, my switching hour is approximately seven o'clock, then again, that could have something to do with watching Home and Away. Possibly anyone's brain would switch off while watching that.
Jettison and Antelope were my favourites. Two ants running off to get married without telling anyone just put very sweet pictures into my mind.
You keep me laughing, my friend. Please, don't stop.
A.H.
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Thank you for Paying your Orble Karmic Contribution Forward.
I see your post (link provided) has really resonated within our community. Brilliant.
Thanks for visiting Pegasus. I'll be visiting you soon.
DuskDevi
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Pepsi Max:
To invite someone you know you will adore in real life as much as you adore her here, to be your friend.
"...closer each day...switching away..."
yours in MOSTEST you wonderful woman you
Dusk
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
I think I'm going to cry (pregnancy hormones) ... you always say the most beautiful things.
UnLtd MOSTEST, Sis.
A.H.
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
Kaleidoscope:
The measure of a collision
Lert:
What your country would like you to be
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Giggle:
to book a girl band...like "let's giggle The MOSTEST"
Snort:
It's nottt fair...why am I always drinking something when I read what you've written??
Cackle:
Nice Bubbles; snap cackle pop
Guffaw:
Goforth coffee, from thine mouth and splash upon yonder monitor...
MOSTEST UnLtd mah sistah
Dusk
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
We should always be a Lert. Lest you be a Larmed...!!
I love your blogtag pic...thanks for visiting MelissaA...
DuskDevi
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
Yes, being a Lert is fine.
I always feel sorry for those doors in clubs and offices that are constantly a Larmed. ; )
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Dusky Lady,
You crack me up. Love it, absolutely love it.
Always UnLtd,
A.H.
Comment by Homer Joyce
My gateway to the night.
What a brilliant post. I hope its lustre (that glow a person gets when they know they are in for a session) never fades …
I love deplane most. I smile every time I think of it.
The thought behind it needs to be extended to so many other words … like detox (when you quit work, get rid of all the clocks in your house, throw away your wristwatch, and never have to think about punching a time card, or time ticking away at a corporate-pressure, time=money rate ever again) …
So many de- words … You could write a book. It has been done before … Your reference to ‘Lert’ reminded me of it. There was a picture book. A gift book. Very popular, and a big pre-Christmas seller in the early 80s. It was called ‘The Book of Lerts’. The first picture was of what a Lert looks like … then it went on …
I almost get the impression that you were expecting a lengthy comment from me about this post …
If so, you were right …
Here is A-M (that’s half of the dictionary … I may not supply N-Z … not sure … It depends on how much of my time is consumed with thought of another woman of words …
But, this is not an effort to outdo you … Imitation is a form of flattery …
Aardvark:
The response a German, backpacking tourist makes when asked, ‘How do you find fruitpicking?’
Bigamy:
The heightened opinion a male has of his own magnanimity, when he does multiple women, multiple favours by marrying all of them, and thinks to himself, Wasn’t that bigamy?
Cunt:
A vulgar expression uttered by South African Rugby Union players when asked by their coach to do something they are physically and mentally incapable of doing: beating Australia. Singular = I cunt. Plural = We cunt. (Coaches reply? ‘Afrikaans!’ = Afrikaans for ‘You cun.’)
Detention:
The posture illegal immigrants assume after they have been locked up for so long, they are too tired to stand up straight, or concentrate on anything said to them.
Excellent.
An expression in common usage amongst Catholics after having given up the practice of virtue for forty days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday.
Flatulent:
An obese person who is given to squashing his/her own farts, but tries hard to lean over far enough to let them escape.
Gross:
The combined weight of a hundred anorexics.
Hymen
The hoarse, throaty moan-like, moist utterance spoken by a virgin’s labia (but emanating from a deeper source) after deciding to become a prostitute.
Infidelity:
The act of Cuban dissidents conforming to Cuban laws.
Jubilation.
An anticipated and much-longed-for feeling of joy, which is reserved for the day of the coming of the Messiah.
Kinesis:
The relief parents experience when their children finally move out of home.
Litigate:
The messy pile of paperwork that accumulates, and stretches all the way to the entrance of your property, when you find a loophole in the law and sue the arse off someone.
Magnanimous.
The highly commendable actions of any Victorian Police Officer who uses meekness and mildness to diffuse a potentially violent situation rather than his gun.
Homer …
Your Treasure-Trove …
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
I loved your Bigamy one as well as (as much as I hate to admit it) the Hymen one.
How long did it take to come up with those, so we know how long we might all have to wait for N-Z, should it be at all forthcoming?
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
Ah....what a clever post, from such a clever woman.
I've got a couple to add:
Pink(of course): the colour that lightens the soul, sets the heart to racing, and conjures up all kinds of strawberry scents, naked limbs, and cherry flavoured hot-oil...
Champagne: the new water....with bubbles. Oh, and also my daughter's middle name...
K for K.L.: the next big thing in romantic suspense writing...
Okay, had to big-note myself somewhere. I'm constantly trying to impress you, after all.
Your GPBLM sister (I'm sure I've left something out there),
K.L.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
glad you liked them.
Homer,
I bow to your literary supremacy sir. You win.
JZ
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
No, it wasn't an effort to outdo me.
It was effortless.
It wasn't til I saw you here that the realisation hit...oh s**t, this is your domain (literally and literary)...my apologies.
(Homer my Treasure chest full of pleasure...and pain...did I get whipped? If so...ouch...and...oh yeahhh...)
As I said...twas the Switching Hour...I just wrote without thought and thought without rote.
And then I posted the bloody thing.
I was not aware of 'The Book of Lerts'....hmmm...must change the L word then...
License:
To know when to tell a fib
Layman:
A champion stud
Detox:
Afrikaans for 'the buffalo over there'
...oh boy...it's The Switching Hour again and here I am. Again.
Too Much Info Time:
- DDH is away
- brain semi frazzled by The Daily Journal Is Tickle Amity
- mind semi dazzled by the Great Social Lubricant (go on...go there Homer....)
- body razzled by Languid Fever with no relief in sight except self prescribed medication...
Now to your Contradictionary contribution (evolution?)...
What can I say?
If I was Sud Efrican I'd say...
"Hi man, I can't say this for china"
You...Homer...Me...Homage...
Dusk:
the gateway to the night
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Anyone hanging around a Larm door should not just be a Lert, they must also have a Lacrity....
Nice to see you again.
DuskDevi
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Yes...it was bought at GrinCraft...the best cotton on they had.
Nice to see you.
DuskDevi
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Impress:
A Kiwi Kween
...and I, my sweet K.L., am not royalty nor a New Zealander...so there's really no need...we're all E of MOSTEST...
Oh yum...and ohhhh yummmm...I like Pink...your definition of it...
I'm sorry to do this darling but I just can't help my impish keyboard...
Champagne:
What a hypochondriac feels.
I am so sorry! You know I love Champagne and your little bubbly fruit!
K.L.:
to describe something as being lovely and delicious
eg. "This apple magnolia orchard is so K.L."
your MOSTEST sister
Dusk
Comment by Homer Joyce
My gateway to the night.
I wasn’t for a moment suggesting that you had invaded my terrain. The more posts like this, the more inspired I am to write … There are plenty of words to go around … I was more worried about taking over your domain (and not letting you get a word in …
Luv Sud Efrican …
I decided to finish N-Z … but it’s so hard … so many words … so many choices … The hardest part is choosing which word … This is such a brilliant post …
I didn’t realise DDH was away, or I would have toned them down a bit … to keep you off your meds …
Notable:
A group of people standing in the foyer of a classy restaurant trying to look a lot more important than they really are.
Octopus:
A suicidal eastern mystic reincarnated as a cat who has come back as a cat eight times already.
Pretension (or PT as it is known):
That nervous, foreboding feeling that a husband suffers from when he knows his wife’s period is due.
Query:
When a heterosexual is asked, ‘Honey, do you take it up the arse?’ after inadvertently wandering into a gay nightclub.
Rough:
(also: ‘howl’ or ‘woof’). The sound men make during doggy
Succeed:
When a woman finally conquers the art of fellatio.
Thaw:
How a prostitute with a lisp feels after work.
Understand:
To nod subserviently while lying on the floor of your office, as your boss walks all over you.
Violate:
The act of any member of a symphony orchestra inserting a string instrument into another member of the orchestra without his/her permission.
Wrought:
An act of parliament that shapes our lives by beating us into submission.
Xenophobia:
A hatred of Buddhist immigrants.
Yore:
A person who is so bored by someone else telling stories about their past, they are too drained to give a full yawn.
Zucchinis:
Skimpy green bathers worn by sheep in New Zealand zoos, which make local sheep-shearers feel like a vegetable garden has just flowered in their dungarees.
Homer …
Your Treasure-Trove …
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Oh man...have you got a word to describe me right now??
...hysterical fits of laughter...
I've always though that without happiness one cannot succeed.
I like my medication. But...need to stop traveling to places that make me want MOre...
Are you still here my sweet pal?
Dusk
Comment by Homer Joyce
My gateway to the night ...
I am still around ... but not sure for how long tonight ...
The hour is late ...
And I have to watch a video ... titled 'The Rise and Fall of Australian Rugby' - the Bledisoe Cup ...
This local library I go to is quite bizarre ... Yesterday, amongst their trashy CD collection I found 'Shiver' ... and today, amongst their trashy DVD/VHS collection, I find the above (in mint condition) ...
Homer
Your Treasure-Trove ...
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Bizarre their collection may be but brilliant is how I see it.
Not only can you now put the song to the words that "softly slowly lingers in my ear"...but you can see through my eyes and sighs...for rugby ie. Specifically for the Penul Man (you're the Tri-umphant man remember?...)
If you are still here...Good Night my Treasure Trove full of pearl necklaces...
If you're not...then Good Morning my Treasure Chest heaving with pleasure
Dusk
Your Twilight Zone
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Dusk
Your Night Portal
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Kiwinner?
(My apologies to my NZ fellow and sister humans but...as long as there is The Bledisloe, there is war)
On another tangent...wow Joe...you're a cartoonist? Very cool.
Thank you for visiting.
DuskDevi
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
If anyone else read my reply to Joe Blogg...that cartoonist question isn't a pun so subtle that even I don't get it...
Joe really is a cartoonist.
DuskDevi
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
a breath of fresh vulgarity
Now who could I dedicate this to...?
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
anymotion mechanic
Comment by KarenC
Genghis Gal
This post is, as always Dusk, very funny and very clever. Anyway, just got a couple and then I'm heading to bed:
Gauntlet: A very thin movie star
Jockey: the spare housekey I always carry with me in case I meet Craig Bolton
Overland: What Kay Cottee said before her mammoth round the world sailing trip
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
You are [delete] brilliant!!
A pundit extraordinaire.
much Gamma my sweet...
Dusk