Oracle of DelphiRugby Positions Explained. In Truth.
October 19th 2006 17:04
I don’t covet much, except for gourmet sandwiches my husband makes because mine look ugly and prior to that frou-frou tutu and ankle boots ensemble (Urgh), I envied Elle her legs. Occasionally I covet another writer’s talent.
Hysterically funny writers like Sarah Bird. Incredible visionary writers like Sir Arthur C Clarke. Visual wordsmiths like my friend PJ. Many many gifted Orble bloggers...and the writer of this piece.
I found this on Wes Clark's site and he has no problem with me reproducing it on Rucks and Rolls because not only did he not write it but he shamelessly stole it and he's a good sharer.
So I salute you O Unknown Forward (because this piece leaves us in no doubt). For you have written the truth as Rugby people all know it. And damn, I wish I had written this...
Warning: The Following Piece Is Rated DSIDWY*.
It contains potentially offensive material if you're a Back.
*Don't Say I Didn't Warn You
********************************************************************************************
THE FORWARDS
There are eight forwards. They take part in scrums, lineouts, rucks, and mauls - essentially everything that is meaningful in the game.
The close physical work necessary for the Forwards engenders a sense of comradeship not shared by the prancing, self-centered and effeminate backs. The game has evolved, thank goodness, with multi-phase possession allowing the forwards to demonstrate their running ability with the ball (as recently superbly demonstrated by Wallabies Greg Holmes and Rodney Blake)
Props and Hookers
The front row is the cauldron, the foundation for all good rugby play.
The front row is noted for their power and good looks, like no necks, battered ears, and S-shaped noses. (and their back throwing abilities)
Such players are noted for their intelligence and longevity well into their forties.
Second Row
The second row is the engine room where the power flows. The second row, or lock forward, is tall, with plenty of leverage strength in the legs.
He must be productive in the lineouts as a jumper or supporter. Mobility is added plus.
The second row is much appreciated by the front row for their power in the scrummage but they are generally not as good looking as the front row.
The loose forwards
The loose forwards include the #8 and the flankers. The loose forwards are respected by the front row for their mobility, fitness, defense and support work. (and their 'mungrel' factor)
The 'loosey' must have tremendous fitness and ball fetching instincts which are not completely understood or trusted by the props and hooker, who are perfectly content to scrummage all day for the ball.
**********************************************************************************************
The Scrum-half
The little scrum half provides the ball to the backs when the forwards are damn well ready for the strutting backs to knock it forward.
The forwards have grudging respect for the scrum-half because he tries hard and is not afraid to get dirty with the rest of the scrummies.
The wise scrum-half will drink and buy beers for the scrummies to maintain his favoured position with the forwards. *********************************************************************************************
THE BACKS
The Flyhalf
It is rumored that the Fly has the best vision, hands, kicking ability, and overall tactical decision making ability on the side. (eg. Stephen Larkham)
The forwards do not understand or trust this individual. The hard-working scrummies generally expect and anticipate a knock forward from the Fly so they can have the pleasure of another scrum-down.
The Centers
These hombres are supposed to be deadly tacklers, with strong running instincts and good hands.
Alas, the centers are lumped in there with the prancing flyhalf.
If the fly doesn't knock on, surely one of the centers will muff it up so the scrummies can experience the joy and satisfaction of another scrum-down.
The Fullback and Wingers
These guys may as well be from Mars.
They are allegedly fast with excellent striking ability. They are supposed to score lots of trys, catch the high ball, and counter attack with flair.
But the stark reality (well understood by the forwards) is that the fullback and wingers prance and preen more than the inside backs.
They don't get dirty and are always playing with their hair and pulling on their collars. In fact their sexual orientation has been called into question on numerous occasions. (and they like to throw tantrums and hissy fits)
(comments in teal my contribution)
Hysterically funny writers like Sarah Bird. Incredible visionary writers like Sir Arthur C Clarke. Visual wordsmiths like my friend PJ. Many many gifted Orble bloggers...and the writer of this piece.
I found this on Wes Clark's site and he has no problem with me reproducing it on Rucks and Rolls because not only did he not write it but he shamelessly stole it and he's a good sharer.
So I salute you O Unknown Forward (because this piece leaves us in no doubt). For you have written the truth as Rugby people all know it. And damn, I wish I had written this...
Warning: The Following Piece Is Rated DSIDWY*.
It contains potentially offensive material if you're a Back.
*Don't Say I Didn't Warn You
********************************************************************************************
THE FORWARDS
There are eight forwards. They take part in scrums, lineouts, rucks, and mauls - essentially everything that is meaningful in the game.
The close physical work necessary for the Forwards engenders a sense of comradeship not shared by the prancing, self-centered and effeminate backs. The game has evolved, thank goodness, with multi-phase possession allowing the forwards to demonstrate their running ability with the ball (as recently superbly demonstrated by Wallabies Greg Holmes and Rodney Blake)
Props and Hookers
The front row is the cauldron, the foundation for all good rugby play.
The front row is noted for their power and good looks, like no necks, battered ears, and S-shaped noses. (and their back throwing abilities)
Such players are noted for their intelligence and longevity well into their forties.
Second Row
The second row is the engine room where the power flows. The second row, or lock forward, is tall, with plenty of leverage strength in the legs.
He must be productive in the lineouts as a jumper or supporter. Mobility is added plus.
The second row is much appreciated by the front row for their power in the scrummage but they are generally not as good looking as the front row.
The loose forwards
The loose forwards include the #8 and the flankers. The loose forwards are respected by the front row for their mobility, fitness, defense and support work. (and their 'mungrel' factor)
The 'loosey' must have tremendous fitness and ball fetching instincts which are not completely understood or trusted by the props and hooker, who are perfectly content to scrummage all day for the ball.
**********************************************************************************************
The Scrum-half
The little scrum half provides the ball to the backs when the forwards are damn well ready for the strutting backs to knock it forward.
The forwards have grudging respect for the scrum-half because he tries hard and is not afraid to get dirty with the rest of the scrummies.
The wise scrum-half will drink and buy beers for the scrummies to maintain his favoured position with the forwards. *********************************************************************************************
THE BACKS
The Flyhalf
It is rumored that the Fly has the best vision, hands, kicking ability, and overall tactical decision making ability on the side. (eg. Stephen Larkham)
The forwards do not understand or trust this individual. The hard-working scrummies generally expect and anticipate a knock forward from the Fly so they can have the pleasure of another scrum-down.
The Centers
These hombres are supposed to be deadly tacklers, with strong running instincts and good hands.
Alas, the centers are lumped in there with the prancing flyhalf.
If the fly doesn't knock on, surely one of the centers will muff it up so the scrummies can experience the joy and satisfaction of another scrum-down.
The Fullback and Wingers
These guys may as well be from Mars.
They are allegedly fast with excellent striking ability. They are supposed to score lots of trys, catch the high ball, and counter attack with flair.
But the stark reality (well understood by the forwards) is that the fullback and wingers prance and preen more than the inside backs.
They don't get dirty and are always playing with their hair and pulling on their collars. In fact their sexual orientation has been called into question on numerous occasions. (and they like to throw tantrums and hissy fits)
(comments in teal my contribution)
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Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Thanks for this post, it was really interesting and your 'down-on-the-field' account actually made me see it from ground level. I can't say that it appeals any more, but at least I understand more of it and that may yet breed some appreication. You have planted a seed.
Lilla
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
I beg of you, do not take this post seriously! Tis very tongue in cheek.
Although everything written about the Forwards is true, some of the umm... 'facts' re the Backs...well, they're just there to cause friction!
Thank you so much for reading it though. That requires true dedication on a non-rugby readers part.
However, you have given me one of my next posts - I truly need to do this...
'Rugby Positions Explained. The Truth This TIme'
Dedicated to Lilla
Because I do want non-rugby Orblers to vist me, I do want you to come back and I would like non-rugby Orblers -especially women- to at least grasp some idea that Rugby Union is a game that requires more brawn than brain.
It's a game of skill, of strategy, of mental acuity embodied by physical prowess.
It may look brutal, it may look pointless to some - but then that too is all relative - but Rugby Union is a game that requires grace and graciousness.
As I have said before - it's a game for all shapes and sizes, both sexes.
Showing Respect to all (women, team mate, opposing player, coach...yes, even the ref) is not an option for a Rugby Union Player.
It's ingrained.
Women are not a secondary race. And have you noticed that Rugby Union does not have cheerleaders nor groupies nor sex crime headlines?
They have women players, women coaches and refs, women fans, wifes, lovers, partners, daughters, mothers.
Women are the backbone of the Rugby body.
Phew...I'm done. I'll come off my soap-box now. Sorry Lilla. Thank you and please...look out for that post. I hope that seed grows in to, at least a little flower.
DuskDevi